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Stupid Case File for January 13, 2007

Wichita, Kansas - Where The Stupid Criminals Congregate?

Courtesy of

Warning: The following crime stories are true, ripped from the pages of Wichita police reports in 2006. Laugh at your own risk.

A woman came to the back door of a local fast-food restaurant and ordered a corn dog. When the waitress arrived with the order, police reported, a second woman wearing a black mask and wielding a gun walked up and demanded money.

The caper had a fatal flaw, however.

The waitress recognized the woman with the gun, police said. She had stopped in earlier that day to apply for jobs and talked at length with the waitress.

Then there were the two masked robbers who walked into the Dillons at 13th and Woodlawn early one June morning, forced their way into the cashier's cage and demanded money.

The cashier recognized one of them as a fellow employee, police said. He showed up for his shift later that morning — driving the same vehicle witnesses say was used in the robbery — and was arrested.

Several times each year, Wichita police say, there are cases in which ... well, let's just say folks didn't think things all the way through.

One man claimed he had been robbed by two people armed with handguns, Capt. Darrell Haynes said. They demanded that he give them his motorcycle and keys and sign the title over to them.

But police found out that he had thrown a party at his house and bought large amounts of crack for everyone there. He spent $12,000 in less than 24 hours, then signed over his new motorcycle for still more crack.

Another time, a woman called police to report that a man forced her at gunpoint to give him money at the business where she worked, then took her to the cooler, tried to rape her and locked her inside.

She said she struggled to escape for 45 minutes, and then remembered she had a cell phone. So she called police.

When police arrived, they couldn't get into the business — so the half-naked woman came to the door to let them in.

During her interview the next day, she could not explain how she could let the officers in the door if she was locked inside the cooler. She confessed she had taken the money herself to pay for an attorney.

Then there was the 24-year-old man who summoned police in December, reporting that he had been the victim of an armed robbery.

What was stolen?

A pound of marijuana, worth about $1,100, that he had been trying to sell at his home.

But the buyer pulled out a sawed-off shotgun and stole the marijuana, the victim told authorities after calling 911.

"I guess there's no honor amongst dopers," Haynes said.

The victim was booked into Sedgwick County Jail on several charges, including possession with the intent to sell drugs.

The strangest incident may well have been the dispute that erupted between four people in November.

Police said a 23-year-old man fired a shot at a teen, and then jammed the gun into his pants.

The gun went off, and the bullet hit the man's left testicle. He flinched, causing the gun to fire again and hit him in the leg.

When the man made his first court appearance a couple of days later, he was in a wheelchair.

That's something every male would understand.

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